When a friend says, you have gotten “fat and lazy” it is something to take notice of. And, while it is not all true and not all not true. It is something that I have to take into what is going on with my life. It is part of what has happened to me along with my condition and my childhood combined. Along with things that have happened to me in the past few years in the environment I am, so part of changing involved changing the environment.
I was worse in my old environment granted being a young guy that was just carefree and had no clue what I was doing. I had gotten better, but also didn’t take an annual inventory of things either. That is something I am planning to change at the new place. It should keep me from building up too much unnecessary stuff and paperwork.
Another problem in the old place and partly in this place was not having the tools I needed. Partly because I wasn’t offered them in the old place. Then in this place people kept getting in the way of them coming in so I would try to have friends help with it and that got them frustrated since they are not trained to deal with the issues I have or in how to deal with me in general. Coming into the new place I can get the services I need without obstruction and without putting friends into the place where professionals need to be put.
Professionals that are trained to undo what would have been 21 years at first and now 35 years of bad habits and unhealthy routines. But, it won’t be an overnight success story it is going to take months maybe even years. Some will sit there and look at that and think that is ridiculous and some will get it. But, it is because you are essentially retraining the brain as if from childhood.
And, some are going to be mad because I am taking the time to think about and put myself first for the first time in a long time. But, it is something I have to do or I am no good to anyone else in the long run. I have to put myself back in balance because I have gotten so out of balance it is not even funny.
Heck, some already think I have been putting myself first because they don’t see what I am dealing with or understand what I am going through. And, I mean beyond school, trying to get my writing career or any career off the ground, trying to have a good relationship with my family on both sides, help friends with issues, and at the same time deal with my issues on a full-time basis. They don’t see it they just see me on my bed in front of the computer or on the phone and don’t see me doing much else.
Well now I have to try and change my how I am doing things and that won’t be easy. I am going to focus on me more and my issues more and try to get some more help with them. AS well as work, more on my career. And, there will be some time for friends and family there, but I can’t put as much effort into that as I have in the past I have to put more into me and my stuff as well as getting out more. Even if it is just out front of my new place.
And yes, some people are going to get left behind, but that is how it has to be I realize. People are either going to be onboard with the changes I am making or they are going to get left behind. I have been so much about pleasing everyone and trying to make everyone happy and comfortable about everything I have been doing that I forgot what matters most is me being happy with my choices and decisions.
Starting today I am doing what I need to and God help anyone that gets in my way. You are either on board or you are getting left by the wayside. And, for those that try to stop me from getting better and being the true me, it will be worse for them. I see the path I should have been walking and that I let myself not walk for a long time now. For various reasons, but what matters now is I am walking it.
I am not saying concerns or questions are not welcome I don’t mind answering those. Just give me some time to get things in place. Just like change is not going to come miraculously overnight either is having the services I need put into place. But, I am carving my own way from here on out is what I am saying.
But, I have rambled enough for one day. Feel free to leave questions and comments below. As for me, I have more packing and housework to do. *Tips his hat and walks out the door to a new beginning*.